What Did I Learn From My Pain?

I knew before age 5 that abusing someone was wrong. I reported to another family member that my father was abusing my mom. I questioned if I was wrong because of the backlash I received from my father. Unfortunately, sprinkles of doubt seeds were instilled into the soil of my inner garden, and I experienced the cycle of pain for the first time.

When I experienced abuse at age 5–10, I struggled with telling the truth, but I learned something about myself before, during, and after my personal experience with abuse.

I realized:

I didn’t want to force anyone to do anything they do not want to do. I carried this principle at the forefront of my mind and heart.

I do not have to be in pain. I wanted to do so much with my life. I wanted to see Saint Louis, Missouri. I craved seeing the rest of God’s world. I wanted to drive and experience real love. I needed to have a normal life. I desired happiness and to do the things I enjoyed. I loved food and the freedom to be who and what I wanted to be. I loved spending time in nature and thinking about life, and sleeping. I loved taking pictures with my camera and with my mind. I loved art and the ability to record life on a piece of paper.

I didn’t like pain. I sought inner guidance to avoid, minimize, and release lingering anger, disappointment, guilt…